nothing much to report, if you follow me on facebook, you’ll know things are going well, as well as they can be considering. I’m trying to get in some good quality time with my girls on my days off since I don’t see them for three days. they are always so happy to see me when I pick them up on Tuesday evening, it kinda breaks my heart. i’ve been extra emotional lately too. not sure what’s up with that. and goddamn,whiskey just makes me so weepy hahah so I’ve been sticking to beer when I want to have a drink or two.
Getting used to it
One of the hardest adjustments so far during this whole separation for me is getting use to being alone. I seem to do okay when I have the girls but on those nights they are with their dad, I have a hard time being alone in the house. I will get use to it though. I will learn that it’s okay be alone with just your thoughts. I will learn that I don’t need to be constantly around people or someone. And I will fine.
little updatey goodness
I’m still running and working out a few times a week. yay me
I’ve got my guitar out and am practicing chords. really would like to learn how to properly play. I’ve had lessons in college, was attempting to learn when I found out I was pregnant with Lu and have never picked up the guitar again. so I’ll try now. we’ll see if I can do it.
work is going well. I’m on a mini vacation which is awesome.
the split up seems to be going well. the girls are adjusting to having two houses, they seem totally fine with everything.
the future
once I can, I’m saving for a real vacation. to a beach. without my kids. yes. this will happen.
busy day off
I’m set for a busy day off today. cleaning and organizing and rearranging the house. Running to Ikea for new beds for the girls for daddy’s house, dropping said beds off at G’s. Target for some essentials for myself. Comcast to drop off the cable boxes. whew. also, laundry. good thing I’m on coffee number 2 for the day. here comes carae, waking up finally! so I’m off to it.
it’s getting real
And G is moving out this weekend. I predict a long, somewhat drawn out process. There is not a box in sight. oh well. I’ll take my time sorting and purging and rearranging. We are trying to be so fair in this process. who gets what, how much do we each owe for the shared debt. I’ll pay you for our bed since it’s a pain to move it out of this place. you pay the car insurance, I’ll pay for the (ex)family phone plan. how often do we each have the girls. do we change the bus pick up (not this year.) and on and on. more of the same to come, I’m sure.
I’ve been on ikea.com the last few days dreaming of my dream house. but of course, my dream house doesn’t really involve ikea furniture but does involve a lot of money so that’s why i’m perusing ikea.com. i went today and bought a few things, under $70 worth of stuff. a new light for the living room, a rug now that knuckles won’t be here all the time to pee on it. some other swedish made in china crap. I had both girls, that was a a fun adventure. they did surprisingly well considering it was very crowded which can throw Lu into a mood and the middle of the afternoon when CaRae should be napping. I looked like the crazy mom only three times. so yes, I’ll call it a success.
getting my financial house in order
So it’s been a fun few weeks around here. separating out a joint bank account, credit card debt and loans is a giant PITA. but I think I’m there. one giant loan to cover all the joint debt so any new debt isn’t confused for old joint debt. two checking accounts, one for us each. a refinanced car loan for me with a lower payment, cancelled the cable tv. lowered monthly payments all around. things financially should be set. unless something disastrous happens. but that’s always been a factor.
New glasses
The start of the reinvention of me. Happens at the end of every relationship. I’m struggling to keep myself from shaving my head, quitting my job and running far from here.
So instead, I’ve started running for exercise, throwing myself into my work and will have a professional cut my hair.
But the urge to flee, to remove myself from my surroundings is so strong, just simmering under the surface.
And like that, life took a left turn
Yup, change happens so damn fast sometimes .
G is moving out. We’ll raise the girls together but with separate homes. It will be okay. We’ll all be okay. He gets the dog, I’ll take the cat. He gets the Honda, I’ll take the Mazda. We get to be happy. Hopefully. That’s what we both want. Or at least not to live with this underlying anger (at least on my side) and building resentment.
I will be fine. And so will he. And so will the girls.
monybalony 