The start of the reinvention of me. Happens at the end of every relationship. I’m struggling to keep myself from shaving my head, quitting my job and running far from here.
So instead, I’ve started running for exercise, throwing myself into my work and will have a professional cut my hair.
But the urge to flee, to remove myself from my surroundings is so strong, just simmering under the surface.
Yup, change happens so damn fast sometimes .
G is moving out. We’ll raise the girls together but with separate homes. It will be okay. We’ll all be okay. He gets the dog, I’ll take the cat. He gets the Honda, I’ll take the Mazda. We get to be happy. Hopefully. That’s what we both want. Or at least not to live with this underlying anger (at least on my side) and building resentment.
I will be fine. And so will he. And so will the girls.
I’m at crossroad and I’m too chicken shit to make a decision.
We are skipping our music and movement class today, CaRae vomited last night. She seems fine today but as I’ve learned from experience, it’s always a good idea to take it easy the day after a vomit attack. Plus she already put herself down for a nap.
So I will get caught up on all the chores I ignore during the work week, get some shopping done and go running later.
so I went to the eye doctor today, an activity I have come to dread. ugh.
I did find some kick ass new frames that I’m going to LOVE, they are SO me:
but the bad shit far outweighs the cool new specks. Apparently, once your nearsightedness gets so poor, they really can only correct it to point. So, I’m pretty close to that point. eventually I’ll just have horrible central vision even with glasses. also, I apparently have a small cataract. but it’s not impairing my vision (any worse) so no surgery needed. and to top it off, I have to do another damn field vision test because of my RP and crappy peripheral vision.
fuck you eyes! oh and I’ll be needing a touchscreen monitor or a MS surface or some such device soon because I keep losing the goddamn cursor on my screen. so yeah, fuck you eyes!
found a place to run indoors tomorrow. yeehaw!
so I tried my hand (foot? feet?) at running on Tuesday. and ohmygawd, I do believe I’ve found a new obsession. I can’t stop thinking about it, I am planning on when I can do it again, I want to buy a bunch of things so I can do it better. I’m addicted. or at least well on my way. I really can’t wait until it gets warm enough to run outside because then I can just go and run whenever I want or at least almost whenever I want.